


Six Characters in Search of an Exit

by ewatsonia



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Televoid! (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blatant disrespect for the dead, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Descriptions of death injury and illness, Gen, My hobby is smashing my special interests together like a kid with action figures, sexual innuendo, themes of questioning existence/reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28774074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewatsonia/pseuds/ewatsonia
Summary: Everyone wakes up in Thomas's living room, but nothing is quite as it should be. Things get worse from there.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Six Characters in Search of an Exit

**Author's Note:**

> So uh, this a weird one and frankly, very self indulgent, but it's an idea that's been sitting in my head for a while! Watching Televoid isn't really necessary to understand this fic, you'd mainly just get some extra context for the setting.

Patton roused from a pleasant night’s sleep(he actually couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept this well, huh.) to a peculiar sight. 

Because well, it appeared him and all the other sides had conked out in various parts of Thomas’s living room last night. Not odd by itself, but a quick scan of the room revealed that Thomas...hadn’t. That was strange. They were only supposed to be wherever Thomas was, after all. Hm.

Patton straightened his glasses(gosh, why had he been sleeping with those on?) and rested a hand against his cheek. Was Thomas dreaming? Was Patton dreaming? Maybe, but Patton was pretty sure either of them would dream about something more fun than the sides all having a sleepover where they actually slept. He pinched the inside of his wrist.

…Ow. Definitely awake.

Maybe he should wake the others up. Something in him twinged, telling him that he _shouldn't do that_ but he shook it off. They were bound to be grumpy but...Patton was lost and didn’t want to be alone to figure this out, really.

Logan was curled up next to him on the couch(Also with his glasses on! That didn’t seem like a very Logan thing to do. Did they all fall asleep doing something?), so Patton gently placed a hand on his shoulder and shook.

It took some time and some eventually vigorous shaking and actually calling his name for Logan to open his eyes and wake up. Logan jolted to full attention and looked over to the hand on his shoulder, then to the person who owned it. 

Patton gave him a sheepish smile. 

“Patton? Why did…” Logan scrubbed his eyes under his glasses.

“Uh, well, I woke up and we were all just kinda hangin’ out here? Asleep? Without Thomas? And gonna be honest it was starting to creep me out _just_ a little.” Patton laughed. “Of course my ‘ol noggin might be failing me after that nap and you can tell me what was going on!” 

He really, really hoped Logan was about to explain exactly what they’d been doing before they’d all gone to bed and he’d be content knowing there wasn’t anything wrong. 

The way Logan’s brows furrowed and his eyes darted to and fro from everyone else’s spots in the living room betrayed Patton’s hope even before Logan’s shoulder’s slacked and he admitted “...I have absolutely no idea.” 

“... _Shoot_.”

“You did have the right idea I believe.” Logan said. “We should get the others awake, perhaps one of them remembers what happened.” 

With a nod, Patton made his way over to Virgil, sprawled out in his usual spot on the stairs. He winced a little, that couldn’t be comfortable… He reached over to shake him up, like he had done for Logan.

And then a truly ungodly and shrill shriek interrupted him. Patton cringed, and a peek over his shoulder revealed that for whatever reason Logan had opted to wake Remus up first. Patton looked at him, shaking his head and mouthed _why_. 

Logan rubbed his ears, though otherwise appeared resolute in his decision and replied “Efficiency.” He gestured around the room, and the remaining three were all getting up now, having been startled awake. 

Patton wanted to protest that it wasn’t exactly a _nice_ way of waking them, but the others commented first.

“What the _fuck?_ ” groaned Virgil, who’d come to full attention, flipping his hood up and covering both of his ears. 

“Yes _really_.” Janus agreed, rising up from his spot slumped against a wall and fixing his hat. “Remus’s screaming is _absolutely_ the first thing I want to hear upon waking up.” 

Remus popped up from behind the couch with a grin and wiggling eyebrows, unbothered by being woken up, leading Patton to suspect the scream had been for the sole purpose of being alarming. “Oh I should’ve _known_ , you liked ‘em loud.”

Patton scrunched his nose up, while Janus rolled his eyes. 

“My brother being the world’s worst alarm clock aside…” Roman said, stretching and walking over to the couch from his usual spot, hands on his hips. “I’d like to know what’s going on, where’s Thomas?”

“Well uh…” Patton scratched the back of his neck. “Me and Logan were hoping one of you guys knew that? Because we um...don’t.”

“Did either of you _possibly_ think to check upstairs before you woke us up with the dulcet tones of Remus screaming?” Janus asked, pinching his nose. 

The silence that followed from both Patton and Logan was probably answer enough. Because ah, no they hadn’t done that. In their defense, both of them had just woken up and Patton had been panicking but…yeah that probably should’ve occurred to them before waking everyone up. 

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his tie “We are only supposed to be wherever Thomas is.” he pointed out. 

Oh Janus was really not happy about his sleep being interrupted. “We’re still in his apartment if you hadn’t noticed, is being in the living room instead of his bedroom _that_ much of a stretch?” 

“Could you like, not be condescending for five fucking seconds, Deceit?” Virgil interjected.

“Oh my apologies for being exasperated that the logical center of Thomas’s brain didn’t think of the obvious. Clearly my expectations were too high.” Janus snapped, glowering in Virgil’s direction. Yikes! Yikes! Patton needed to break this up before it got any worse.

“Alright kiddos, no need to work ourselves up. We’re all tired and a bit off kilter right now. Janus, that’s a good idea but Virgil’s right, there’s no need to be rude about it…”

“Who the _fuck_ is Janice?” Remus piped up, flopping backwards over the top of the couch so his head was hanging upside down. “Sounds like a bitchy PTA mom that lets her kids die a slow, horrible death from brain swelling and dehydration because she thinks the measles vaccine will give them autism.”

Roman muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _“If the shoe fits…”_

“I am not an anti-vaxxer thank you very much!” 

“We are getting _extremely_ off topic.” Logan put his head in his hands and sighed. “Virgil, could you please check upstairs for Thomas so we can potentially resolve this?” 

Virgil nodded and headed up the stairs, making a face at Janus before departing. Well... at least he wasn’t arguing. 

Moments later Patton heard a _THUMP_ and a loud hiss of pain from upstairs, he immediately moved up the stairs to check on Virgil and met him partway, staring back down, wide eyed and gingerly holding the top of his head. 

“Is everything okay? What happened?” Patton fussed, shooing Virgil’s hand away from his head so he could check the damage. 

“Patton,” Virgil hissed, pointing up behind him “ _Look_.” 

Patton tilted his head, confused but followed Virgil’s hand with his eyes and...Oh. Oh that wasn’t good.

Instead of opening up to the second floor of Thomas’s apartment the stairs just…ended at a wall. Patton could only assume the thump he’d heard had been Virgil hitting his head on the ceiling that closed them in. 

Shaking Patton peered over the railing and called down to the others. “Um, I don’t want to alarm anyone but there’s a...teeny bit of an issue with checking upstairs for Thomas?” 

“Why, what's going on?" Roman asked

“There kind of isn’t an upstairs anymore?” Patton phrased it like a question, because he still couldn’t believe what he was looking at. This didn’t make sense. And Patton wasn’t usually the one to freak out when things didn’t make sense, that was Logan’s job.

But this? This didn’t make sense in a way that scared him. And judging from Virgil’s face, the two of them were in agreement there.

“What.” was the immediate response that came from Janus. Flat, suitably disbelieving, all things considered. 

“The stairs go _fucking_ _nowhere!_ ” Virgil clarified, his breathing picking up and gesturing wildly to the wall and ceiling. “Look for yourself!”

The rest of the sides ventured over and, sure enough the lack of upstairs was apparent to them as well. 

“Did you try...passing through the wall?” Roman asked, a hand stroking his chin. “Could be an illusion of some kind! Perhaps Thomas has been beset by a trickster!”

“Well Virgil _did_ bump his head so I don’t think-” Patton started

“Great idea! I’m gonna run into the wall!” Remus announced, only _barely_ giving Patton and Virgil enough time to avoid him as he barreled forwards, stomping up the stairs with reckless glee.

Remus did not miraculously phase through the wall. The resulting _crack_ of what Patton was pretty sure was Remus’s nose hitting it and the force of the impact launching him down the stairs assured him of that. 

Remus turned his fall into a backwards somersault and sprung back up onto his feet, cackling maniacally(...was Remus physically capable of non maniacal cackling?). He put his hands on his hips proudly. “That didn’t work!” he declared, blood leaking from his nose. 

…Oh jeez, Patton didn’t know noses could twist that way. 

Janus clapped his hands a few times. “What a brilliant and helpful use of our time.” 

Remus beamed, the sarcasm either lost on him or just downright ignored for the sake of irritating Janus. “Aw Deedee you flatter me so!” He bowed low and flung himself back up violently, slinging some of the blood that was still steadily flowing down over his mouth and chain at the others. 

Oddly enough, Remus didn’t even bother to bask in the others disgusted reactions(because ew! That probably wasn’t just blood that was probably blood and _snot, ew!_ ). He was otherwise preoccupied, his face scrunched up, and he was stumbling, having trouble regaining his footing. 

“Are you uh, doing okay there Dukey?” Patton asked, hesitantly. He knew Remus was generally _fond_ of this sort of thing but he didn’t actually look thrilled about it? 

“Right as acid rain burning through someone’s flesh!” Remus said, hand pinching the bridge of his nose and a barely held back wince suggesting otherwise. “But eeehh this is getting boring so…” he snapped his fingers.

Nothing changed. A hand running through the blood and lifted to Remus’s eyes confirmed it for him and his head tilted. “Huh, usually I don’t do permanent damage. Especially with something so trivial like _a broken nose_ . This is _nothing_ compared to the time I got vored by a dragon!“

“...Vored?” Logan asked, eyes narrowing. 

“Nope. _Nope!_ ” Virgil interrupted. “We are not fucking _touching_ that with a ten foot pole. Roman, fix your brother so we can move on from this please?” 

“ _Gladly._ ” Roman said, making a gesture like he was sweeping something away with his hand. When nothing changed for him either, he frowned, a low growl of annoyance escaping him as he tried again. And again. There was still a whole lotta nothing going on. “Remus, would you just _cooperate_ and let me do this?”

Remus’s hands went up in exaggerated surrender. “I’m not stopping you from doing anything! I’m losing interest in just about everything except being covered in blood. Broken noses don’t have much longevity in the fun department, you can’t wiggle ‘em and bend them around all weird to freak people out like you can with other broken bones! Now a broken _neck_ on the other hand, that’s where it’s at-”

“...I’m gonna go grab some ice and a towel.” Patton replied, walking past the others to the kitchen as Remus continued his tangent about which bones were the most fun to break. He shuddered. 

Alright...ice. Patton was pretty sure Thomas had some ice packs in the freezer that would work just fine to help the swelling go down. He hummed to himself, trying to put some distance between him and the reasons _why_ he needed to get the ice.

A noise of sheer confusion escaped him at the sight of the completely empty freezer. He patted around in there because hey! With everything that had happened today _maybe all of the stuff in_ T _homas’s freezer had turned invisible!_ Why _not!_

It wasn’t even _cold_ in there.

Patton closed the freezer and, kind of expecting what was going to happen, opened the fridge. Yep. That was empty too.

Sighing deeply, he snagged a cloth that was hanging over the counter and figured well, at least some cold water would help? And as much as Remus reveled in being covered in blood, Patton had the urge to make that _not_ the case. 

Neither the cold nor hot water tap yielded any results. A strangled giggle escaped Patton and he whispered softly to himself, _“What the fuck?”_

Patton returned to the rest of the group, empty handed aside from a cloth that wasn’t going to do much on it’s own. “It would, ah, appear that the kitchen’s broken.”

“...Elaborate?” Logan asked

“Well I haven’t bothered to check the stove yet, but the freezer isn't freezing and I sure don’t need to go catch the water!”

Logan stared blankly for a few moments, before sighing with a distinct, deep resignation that could only accompany picking up on Patton’s wordplay. A little breath of normalcy.

“Alright so, nothing in the kitchen is working, we don’t have an upstairs anymore, and we still have no idea where Thomas is. Cool. I hate all of this with every fiber of my being.” Virgil gave a thumbs up.

Remus’s eyes lit up “Maybe a serial killer snuck in, turned everything off and is going to murder all of us one by one while we’re distracted! Or we’re in hell! Or both!” 

“May I see that?” Janus asked, holding one gloved hand out towards the cloth that Patton was wringing between his own.

“Oh uh, sure!” He handed it over.

Janus nodded appreciatively before he whipped it at Remus’s face. 

“Rude! I am a _victim_ here!” 

“You are a victim of nothing but your own actions. Now clean that blood off.” 

“Oh Deceit, you _know_ I always get a nice tingly feeling when you tell me what to do.” Remus sighed. He examined the cloth and pouted, then made a kissy face? No he was swishing his mouth around for some reason...Then he spit a bunch of saliva into the cloth and began wiping his face with _that_ and okay Patton was going to look at _something else, anything else_ now.

The others were reconvening and taking seats on the couch, so he decided to join them there. Sitting sounded nice. 

“So. Not only all of... _that_ , that Virgil mentioned.” Roman gestured to the kitchen and the stairs. “But it would appear that myself and Remus can’t poof our injuries away now. Something is very, very wrong here.” 

“What about like, other shapeshifting stuff?” Virgil asked. “Maybe it’s just something with you two and it’ll work if one of us tries? Uh, like a Creative block?”

“Hmm.” Janus hummed, tapping his hand on his chin and glancing around the room, probably picking out one of the other sides to change into.

“ _Not_ you.” Virgil glowered.

“I can turn into a puppet again!” Patton offered to diffuse the argument before it started. Being a puppet was _fun_ and he could use some fun right about now.

“Go ahead Pat.” 

Patton closed his eyes and focused on...changing he supposed? On how he looked like as a puppet? Oh geez he was having trouble remembering how to do it. It hadn’t been that long, again he’d turned into a _giant frog_ last episode, a puppet was _nothing_ next to that. 

“I...I think I forgot how to shapeshift?” Patton said, opening his eyes and looking down at his unchanged, certainly not lunchbag composed body.

“Well if you’re having a problem then I suppose you’ve _twisted my arm._ I’ll just have to…” Janus trailed off and frowned. His eyes slowly grew wider, eyes roaming his form, widening. “No, no I _can’t_ have. It’s my whole _thing-_ ” 

“I also cannot recall how.” Logan sighed and closed his eyes.. “I suppose we’ll add that to the seemingly ever increasing list?”

With a heaving sigh of his own, Roman abruptly stood up. “I don’t know about you all, but I think I could use a bit of fresh air! Forget shapeshifting for now. Let us go outside, a change of scenery might just be what we need to reinvigorate us and stumble across an answer!”

“Oh! Or Thomas!” Patton pointed out. “Maybe he’s out there and when we find him everything will be back to normal!”

“Ooh! Or we could find his mangled body lying in the road!” Remus suggested, absolute glee in his voice and a toothy smile, outlined with flecks of blood he didn’t manage to wipe away completely. “Maybe he got hit by a car and everything’s going weird for us because he’s only _barely_ clinging onto life! We’re slowly detaching from reality while all the cells in Thomas’s brain die from lack of oxygen and start to liquify, and once all that’s left of him is a bunch of brain goop we’re gonna stop existing completely!”

As Remus broke off into a cackle, a yelp of pure revulsion escaped Patton’s mouth, and bile rose in the back of his throat as he couldn’t quite shake the mental image. No, no, _no,_ Thomas was _fine._

“...Horrific, but scientifically accurate.” Logan admitted, and why did he he almost sound _impressed-_

Remus scratched at the edge of his mustache, looking entirely too pleased with himself. 

“Onwards to the outside world!” Roman shouted, pointing towards the door and marching forward, electing to ignore the idea completely.

As everyone else followed Roman’s lead, even Janus and Remus, Virgil was still on the couch staring intently at his hands, like he was making sure they weren’t going to fade away on him. “But what if we do find Thomas’s-” 

“Outside! Come along Bring Me To Strife!” 

“If the door even opens.” Virgil muttered, standing up and shoving his hands into his pocket. 

Patton stood back to let him catch up and patted him on the shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay Virge, I’m sure.”

“You’ve said you were sure of a lot of things.” he shot back, then immediately bit his tongue. “Fuck, sorry, I don’t know why- I know you’re just trying to make me feel better. Let’s just go.”

They shuffled towards the door, where the rest stood waiting for them, that was nice of them. Patton supposed now was not the time to split the group up, even for a moment. He sure knew _he_ didn’t want that.

Steeling himself, Roman took a breath and rested his hand on the doorknob. He twisted it slowly and then like ripping off a bandaid, shoved it open at full force. 

With them at the back, and everyone else crowding around the door, Patton and Virgil couldn’t quite see what lay out there. It was dark, but it had to be more than just Thomas’s place at night time, because everyone stayed firmly on this side of the precipice.

Patton tapped Janus on the shoulder, getting the other side’s attention. “What’s uh, what’s up out there?” 

“Oh everything’s _fantastic_ Patton. Thomas’s front yard is _just_ as we left it.” Janus stepped out of the way and presented the view with both arms gesturing grandly.

Dark wasn’t the right word to describe it. 

Nothing.

There was _nothing_ beyond this door. It looked out onto a sea of emptiness, endless black in every direction.

Oh. 

“It’s as if someone photoshopped the entire _world_ out.” Roman said. “There’s _nothing!”_

Remus nodded sagely. “Anish Kapoor would cream himself.” 

“Is there even a _floor?”_ Virgil asked, his sentence coming out as half words, half gasp.

“I can find out!” 

Patton stuck an arm in front of the door, stopping Remus from going through and possibly plunging to his doom. “Remus, kiddo. I uh, gosh I can hardly believe I’m saying this, I know you mean well here but...We don’t need you having anymore incidents do we?”

“I’m in agreement with Patton, there’s no need for anyone to test it like that. It’s unnecessarily dangerous.” Logan replied.

“Unnecessary Danger is my middle name!”

Logan cleared his throat. “If we want to check for that, we can simply throw something out the door and observe whether it lands or keeps falling.”

“ _Fiiine_.” Remus sighed. He moved and Patton was almost afraid he was just going to pick someone up and throw _them_ out the door. Instead, he yanked the glasses off of a spluttering Logan’s face and with a war cry of “ _YEET!”_ hurled them out into the darkness.

Thankfully for Logan’s sake, they hit solid ground with a clattering of plastic.

“Remus! I need those to _see!_ ” Logan protested. “What would you have done if they’d fallen through?”

“Nothing, ‘cause you don’t need them to see.” he shrugged.

“I-Yes I do?”

“They’re not real glasses Logan, they don’t have any fucking lenses. Neither do daddy’s.” he pointed at Patton’s face. 

Patton took his glasses off to check and...there was no difference in clarity. He turned them in his hands and held them up. Remus was right. These were just frames. Everyone in the room stared at them.

“Okay I’m pretty sure of all the freaky shit that’s happened today, I think Remus being _right_ about something is the worst so far. Have I mentioned I hate all of this?” Virgil asked.

“You hate everything, what else is new? At least he did something constructive.” Janus rolled his eyes and with only the mildest bit of hesitation, stepped out onto the black. 

Despite the clear presence of a solid surface, Janus still gave the impression that he was floating in nothing. It was...It was dark, all directions, no light source beyond what came from inside the house but he wasn’t cloaked in shadow like you would’ve thought. He stood as if in broad daylight, like there was light focused on him but not like there was a spotlight on him either because the ground around him was still _darker than Patton thought possible_ and, oh geez his head was starting to hurt trying to figure this out.

As neither the glasses nor Janus fell into nothing, the rest of them slowly filed out. It had been getting a little crowded in there but Patton still wasn’t sure how he felt about...out here.

Patton put his glasses back on. They didn’t help him see any better but they made him _feel_ a little better. 

Especially when he peered back at the building he’d just left and rather than the mental image of Thomas’s apartment he had, there was just a big plain grey block about the shape and size of the first floor floating there and nevermind Patton _did_ know how he felt about this.

“Y’know, I think I’m with Virgil here.” Patton said, staring at it. “I _hate_ this. I...the no upstairs thing and the _kitchen_ was bad enough but I really, truly do not like this. None of this is right and it doesn’t make any _sense_ and the light is all weird and...and…”

Oooh his heart felt really fast in his chest and it was like something _cold_ was running through his veins instead of blood-

“Easy Padre, easy. Deep breaths” Patton’s weight fell against the source of the voice and he tried to do what it said but god his brain was all _fuzzy_ it was hard to focus. 

He was glad someone was holding him up, pins and needles danced around his body and where there wasn’t those there was _nothing_ like everything else around him. Maybe he was becoming part of the nothingness. Maybe he’d always have been, maybe none of this was real, his awareness a hiccup in the universe that was being fixed.

“ _Wow_ you sound like me! Or _Virgil!_ ” came another voice, shrill, grating enough to pull Patton back into some awareness. Had he been saying all of that out loud? “Yeah you’ve been spewing some dark shit pops, keep it up!”

“We’re trying to _stop_ him from spiraling, you insufferable trash bastard.” scolded someone else...Janus? Yeah that was Janus. His voice was sarcastic and a little condescending but oddly soothing. It was a nice voice. 

The other voice...the… ‘trash bastard’ that must’ve been _Remus’s_ , nobody else really fit that description. It _wasn’t_ a nice voice but it was helping in its own way too as it argued back and forth with Janus’s and cooed, flattered, at every insult thrown his way. It kept Patton awake, aware because who could do anything _else_ hearing it.

Patton stood up, getting his bearings with Roman’s help. “Okay...Okaaay. I think...I think I’m good?” he asked, still not entirely certain. “That was...a lot.”

“Christ dude, that panic attack gave _me_ a run for my money.” Virgil said. “But uh, we’re all real and accounted for. I promise.” 

He nodded. “Except for…” 

Virgil winced. “Right...yeah except for our whole reason for existing. That’s uh. Still a problem.” 

“I don’t know why I feel like finding him will solve all our problems.” Patton hugged himself. “I mean, we’d still all be stuck...wherever this is but.”

“But wherever this is, even with how little sense it makes…” Logan added, trailing off as he placed the glasses he’d reclaimed back on his head. Patton wondered if he felt the same way _he_ did about them.

“It’d be a touch less frightening if Thomas was here.” Roman finished.

“Well standing around like limp dicks wishing he was here ain’t gonna help us find him is it?” Remus asked. “C’mon, let’s see what this endless void has to offer. Could be Thomas. Or some hot shadow demons we can fuck.”

“You’re right, again.” Patton said, half laughing. He could hardly believe it but...

“About fucking shadow demons?”

“No uh, not that.” at least Patton hoped he wasn’t right about that. “The finding Thomas thing, You’ve actually been pretty helpful today Remus, thank you. You’ve got your head on a little straighter than the rest of us.”

“First of all, how dare you say _anything_ about me is straight.“ Remus declared. “Second of all, don’t compliment me, that’s fucking _weird_.” 

Patton didn’t miss the touch of a sparkle in his eyes though. He turned his back on them and led on.

“I can hardly believe it but I suppose follow Remus...into the unknooooowwwn!” Roman belting, his voice carrying out into the darkness. 

From his side, Patton heard someone unable to resist quietly humming the call from the same song as they walked along behind the twins. It was Janus, with the tiniest touch of a smile on his face. 

“You doin’ okay there?” he asked, “You’ve been quieter, that doesn’t feel like you.” 

Janus flicked his capelet aside and crossed his arms. “I suppose I haven’t had much to say. What good is more lying when it feels like everything you’ve ever known seems to just be one _big_ one?” 

“We don’t know that…” Patton said.

“You said something of a similar sort a few minutes ago. Is now really the time for you to indulge in your habit of repressing?” 

“Hey Janus, what was it you said to Virgil about glasses houses a few episodes ago?”

Janus snorted.

“Okay this has been bugging me but I’ve been trying to ignore it because of all the other fuckshit going on.” Virgil took a deep breath. “Since when are you two all buddy buddy, and why do you keep calling him _Janus?”_

“It’s my _name_?” Janus cocked his head. “You know, from the name reveal I did last episode?”

“What the hell are you talking about? We watched _Frozen_ last episode. All _you_ did was steal your hat back from Roman.”

“No?” Roman peered over his shoulder. “No, as irked as I am about it, Mamba no. 5 _did_ reveal his name during Thomas’s crisis after going to the wedding.”

“Among _other_ things.” Logan leveled a glower towards Janus.

“Wait, are you guys gaslighting Virgil? And you didn’t let me in on it?” Remus asked, putting a hand to his chest in offense. “I know I’m not exactly known for keeping things under wraps but I can totally keep a secret to prank the emo-”

“Holy shit, we are not trying to gaslight Virgil!” Janus grabbed his hair in frustration, shifting his hat nearly off his head. “Clearly the _both_ of you have amnesia!” 

“We’re aspects of a single person’s personality, how the hell would only two of us get amnesia?” Virgil argued 

“How did literally everything in the universe except the first floor of Thomas’s apartment disappear!” Janus tossed his hands up, knocking his hat off completely. “ _Nothing_ makes any sense right now, and you’re questioning that?”

Remus whistled. “The girls are _fiiighting_ ~”

Logan put his head in his hands. “Remus, _please._ I don’t think we need you misgendering them on top of everything- _”_

“He’s quoting a meme Specs, even he wouldn’t stoop that low” Roman assured, patting him on the shoulder.

Patton wrung his hands, looking back and forth from Janus and Virgil arguing, shouting intermixed with _hissing,_ and wracked his brains to figure out a way to stop them. They were _really_ getting into it and they were all stopped now. “Guys, what are we going to do about…”

A ripping sound caught Patton’s attention, and Remus screeching “HEY.” at the top of his lungs caught Janus and Virgil’s.

“Check this out!” Dangling from Remus’s fingers was something _hairy_ , wait that _wasn’t-_

Nope it was, that was Remus’s mustache. His face was smooth as the rest of theirs now.

“Okay nevermind, _that’s_ the freakiest thing that’s happened today.” Virgil grimaced, watching Remus wiggle it around. 

“Put it back, I am _begging_ you.” Roman said, horror in his voice. 

“Aww but Ro-Bro…” Remus slung an arm around his shoulder and pulled him against him in what looked like an absolutely spine crushing half hug. “We look even more alike now!”

Roman shoved him off of him “Frankly I was grateful for the distinction!” he snapped, brushing his wrinkled outfit down.

After carefully placing his hat back on his head Janus turned his attention to Remus. “That is so _extraordinarily_ cursed. Please for the love of god, put the damn thing back on.”

“Aw, Deedee, do you have a thing for my mustache?” Remus batted his eyelashes.

" _Yes._ " Janus said through gritted teeth without missing a beat. "I have an unquenchable thirst for men with mustaches and seeing you without yours is ruining my evening. Now put it back."

Remus snickered, pleased enough with that response to replace the apparently fake mustache. He put it on upside down, but it was still less unsettling than seeing him without it. It was funny how that worked, they all had the same face and all that and none of _them_ had one. Maybe it was what Roman said, the distinction.

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Could we perhaps move on now? I would like to find Thomas and/or a way out of here sooner rather than later.”

“Please.” agreed Patton. “As uh, earlier established I really don’t like it here.”

“You know...” Roman mused, as they resumed their trek, loosely in the same direction they’d been following before they’d had to pause for Janus and Virgil’s argument. “Where do you suppose _here_ even is? And Remus, do not say hell.”

Remus scoffed. “Wasn’t gonna, I already said that. Unlike you, I don’t regurgitate ideas onto Thomas like a bird trying to get some” 

Roman looking thoroughly insulted and like he had a retort at the ready, opened his mouth to speak.

“ _Boys_.” Patton scolded, interrupting in his best ‘stop arguing or I will turn this car around’ voice. “Not the time.” 

With a sigh Roman dropped it. “You’re right, you’re right. But _really..._ Logan, do you have an idea what on earth-or off it, who knows- this place might be.”

“...I don’t.” Logan admitted. “Where we are, such a large expanse of _nothing..._ I can’t fathom how such a place would exist on earth, not to mention the strange way light works here...It doesn’t make much logical sense. I feel rather unwelcome, to be honest.”

“I don’t think this place is really welcoming of _anyone,_ but yeah I get your point.” Virgil replied. “Like, seriously what the fuck did we or Thomas _do_ to end up here?”

“Well, so far we’ve got died and gone to hell, gotten hit by a car and began the _process_ of dying, or was never real in the first place.” Janus listed off, sticking up a finger for each option. “Any other suggestions?”

“Let’s see...Thomas is in a coma, it’s some kind of elaborate freaky sex thing, we’re all being held captive in this empty void for entertainment...” Remus rattled off. “Oh! Or Thomas got knocked out and eventually we’re going to come to, tied up on a cart with some dude telling us we’re finally awake. ”

“God _fucking_ damn it.” Virgil muttered.

Roman lightly smacked Remus in the arm. “Weren’t you just calling _me_ unoriginal you little shit?”

Remus shook his head “You see, _brother dear_ there’s a difference between being unoriginal and a well timed meme.” 

“Terrible. Appalling. There is _no such thing._ ” Janus retorted.

Patton smiled at the group, watching them bicker playfully. He cast a look over to Logan, and he shared a glance, looking a little more relaxed. This was nice. Patton wanted nothing more than all of them to just...get along. Sure it had taken a few arguments, and being...wherever this was…but things were pretty okay right now.

It was peaceful, only scattered and mostly positive conversations for a while as they walked.

“There’s something that way!” Virgil shouted, jolting everyone, as he pointed off the side. 

Patton squinted, and for the first time since they’d left Thomas’s ‘apartment’ behind there was _something_ there. It was small, in the distance but there was a smudge of white floating there in the dark. Patton’s heart raced. He couldn’t begin to tell what it was from here, but just seeing something other than _nothing_ gave him more hope than he could fathom.

Roman let out a whoop and wrapped an arm around Virgil, pounding him on the back with it. “Well spotted!” 

Wasting no time, Roman charged on ahead, running at full speed, tugging Virgil along with him by the arm with no further protest than a surprised “Woah!” 

Patton wasn’t far behind them, and neither was Remus, racing along beside him with a grin that had a touch of relief behind its usual manic glee. All those crazy, horrible, theories about what was happening that he spouted aside, he clearly wanted out of, wanted to to find Thomas, just as much as any of them.

Peering behind him, Patton saw Janus and Logan trying to catch up, more caught off guard by the sudden dash for the speck of white.

The closer they got, the more Patton’s heart pounded because it was beginning to look more and more... _door shaped._

Out of breath, panting with his hands on his knees, Patton and the others stood before what was definitely a _door._ Roman and Virgil, having gotten there first, were investigating it.

It just...stood there, anchored to the ground but not to any building or wall and it... _flickered_ like an old VHS recording. Like it wasn’t entirely there. Virgil pressed his hand onto it, so it must be solid, but Roman walked around to the other side of it, so Patton wasn’t sure if it would actually lead anywhere, or if it was just...there.

“ _By the frozen head of Walter Elias Disney!_ ” shrieked Roman, from the other side, leaping back into view, gagging.

“Oh _what the fuck.”_ despaired Virgil, looking over, with an equally repulsed face.

“Dare I ask?” Janus chimed in.

“There’s a dead guy because of course there is.” he sighed, pulling his hood over his head and burying his face in his hands.

“Sure is!” Remus said, because of _course_ as soon as he’d heard someone exclaim in horror, he’d raced over to see what had caused it. He came out from behind the door, holding the dead guy in question up by the armpits.

For better or for worse, the person...Former person? Patton wasn’t quite up for debating the moral quandary of whether or not a dead body still technically counted as a _person_ even if it would sure make for one _wild_ episode of Sanders Sides. Anyway, they were more of a skeleton than a corpse, which was at least a little less _gross_. They still had clothes clinging to them, black pants and a purple hoodie.

Patton tried to ignore the rendition of _Spooky Scary Skeletons_ that was being sung while Remus wiggled the body around. He failed spectacularly. 

Roman sighed. “Before Remus started desecrating the corpse it looked like they died _clawing_ at the door.” 

“That...does not inspire a lot of hope of us getting out of here.” Logan said.

Remus dropped the body inelegantly to the floor. “Well, there was just one of this dude and there’s _six_ of us. We could probably bust it down if it doesn’t open. And if not, there’s always cannibalism!”

Logan looked on with exasperation “How is cannibalism going to help us?” 

“How do you think?”

“Eugh!” Patton gasped 

“We’re not eating each other because we are _not_ going to just stay here and wait if the door doesn’t open.” Janus cut in “Also, need I remind you we’re manifestations of aspects of someone's personality, we don’t need to eat to survive.” 

“Spoilsport.” Remus muttered

Virgil tugged at the door handle. It didn’t open. “I can’t tell if this thing opens out or in, so I don’t know if kicking it down will work or not.

Unsurprisingly, Remus volunteered. “I’ll give it a try, stand back fuckos.” 

They all backed up, because nobody wanted to get in the way of Remus about to commit an act of violence.

Remus bent down, grounding himself with one foot and leaned forward, readying himself to kick. With a deep breath and a yell, he smashed the heel of his other foot into the spot below the lock.

The door didn’t open but it shuddered and leaning forward, Patton could see that it didn’t look like it would take another kick. Grinning, Remus seemed to realize this too and went at it again.

_Crack._

Remus howled with gleeful laughter and various insults to the integrity of the door and also the dead body who’d failed to open it. Patton felt that was in very poor taste but, so was nearly everything about Remus....

The door opened into a portal of static and glitch artifacts that whirled around furiously like a blizzard. It made Patton second guess whether he wanted to go through it, but before he could make any suggestions of holding off, Remus plunged right in and disappeared into the storm.

Everyone was taken aback, frozen to their spots and Remus wasn’t coming back through. 

Patton needed to see if he was okay, if there was something on the other side. 

If there wasn’t? Two of them not coming back was probably enough evidence to the others that going through the door wasn’t worth it. 

And Patton was impulsive by nature too.

Patton didn’t charge through like Remus had, but he didn’t hesitate, he simply put one foot in front of the other until he crossed the threshold.

There was a similar sensation to when he’d had his panic attack earlier. Stepping through the static made his skin come alive with pins and needles first, then everything else followed suit. Even inside of him, he could feel pins and needles stabbing at his organs, especially his lungs, and he was filled with the inescapable urge to try to _cough them out_ even though he knew that wouldn’t work, all he coughed up was mucus and blood. For a moment all he experienced was that, and the sound of blaring, crackling noise in his ears.

Then there was a slamming door.

* * *

Patton and Remus still hadn't come back yet. Time was hard to tell here but...this was far too long for them to have just scoped out what was ahead of them. Then there was the matter of the now closed door. 

“What do we do from here?” Logan asked. He despised this. He despised being at a complete loss for an answer and today...if it even _was_ just today, again they had no way of telling how long they’d been wandering...regardless, there had been a lot of that since Logan had woken up and it _frustrated him_ to no end. 

“Just a bit longer, they’ll come back, they _have to._ ” Roman insisted. While the rest of them had opted to wait this out sitting on the floor as they’d been walking for quite some time, he’d been barraging the door with attempts to get it to open. He’d tugged, kicked it, punched it until his knuckles were bare and bloodied, but it appeared after claiming Patton and Remus, it’d shuttered itself for good. 

“You keep saying that.” Virgil’s voice was hollow. “At this rate, we’re gonna end up like that guy.” he pointed at the crumpled heap of bones and clothes, still where Remus had dropped it. “They’re probably dead,” he added.

“ _Don’t say that!_ ” Roman hissed

“You’re right, we shouldn’t assume.” Janus turned to Roman, his smile and tone utterly saccharine. “Everything’s completely okay. Patton and Remus are waiting behind that door setting up a surprise party for us. There’s cake. Oh, and Thomas! They just haven’t come back because it isn’t ready yet. I’m sure they’ll open it soon and this nightmare will all be over.”

“This is wholly unnecessary.” Logan interrupted, because after all of _this,_ frankly the last thing he wanted was to deal with more _arguing._ Yes, it tended to solve Thomas’s problems but this was _bigger_ than Thomas, bigger than if lying was okay or whether or not they should go to a callback. “We should put this to a vote. Getting the door to reopen by force has clearly been exhausted as an option. So our choices are to wait here indefinitely for Patton and Remus, or move onward without them.”

“Both those options suck.” Virgil replied.

“Thank you Virgil, I am _well aware._ ” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up. “But they’re what we have, unless you have a third one?.”

Janus shrugged “Remus would probably suggest a suicide pact. Or cannibalism, again.” 

“Or both.” added Roman

Virgil nodded, grimacing a little. “Probably both,”

Logan’s eye twitched. He crossed his arms and cleared his throat. “Are we going to vote on our actual options or not?”

“Everything is terrible, Time and Relative Contention in Space let us have some witty banter before we pick how we’re dooming ourselves.” Roman rolled his eyes, leaning against the door “But yes, fine. We’ll have a vote.”

“Okay.” Logan said, straightening himself out. “Option one: Waiting.” 

Roman’s hand went up. For a moment, Logan’s arm trembled. The thought of moving on, leaving Remus and Patton to whatever fate lie beyond that door...unnerved him. The idea of never seeing them again, he couldn’t say he cared for it. Something in him, _a lot of him_ actually, wanted to wait.

But waiting was not the logical choice. 

“Option two.” Logan paused, carefully considering how to phrase it. “Moving on.” 

His own went up immediately, so he couldn’t give himself time to think, to reconsider. After a moment, so did Janus’s. 

There was a fist clenched, nails no doubt biting into skin, before eventually Virgil raised his as well. 

Roman ducked his head down. “What if they’re in there, waiting on the other side for _us_ to come through? They might not...They could just think we _abandoned_ them. God only knows what kind of things Remus might be suggesting to Patton right now.”

“It is entirely possible.” Logan replied. “However, the door won’t open. Wherever they’ve ended up by going through it, they’ll...eventually have to make the same choice as we did.”

“You’re right.” Roman was very quiet. 

Logan felt no joy being told this. 

Slowly, him, Janus, and Virgil peeled themselves off the floor. Virgil kept his head down not meeting anyone’s eyes. 

“Well, it’s not much ground to cover, I’m sure we’ll find something else in _no time_ .” Janus snarked half heartedly. His eyes kept lingering on the door, even after Roman pulled himself away from it. As if maybe, just maybe, the others would come barreling out _now_. At the last second, least expected. It would suit them.

“Let’s get going.” Logan looked back one more time, at the door and though they’d walked much too far to see it from here, in the direction of the shell they’d thought was Thomas’s apartment. Maybe somewhere, beyond here, they’d find an answer.

And off they went into the great empty expanse laid before them.  
  



End file.
